Part of me feels like I wimped out. I mean, I did firmly say no and didn't give in when he pushed back a little, but I also made excuses. Granted, they were true statements, but I still felt like they were excuses.
I'd love to be open with the ward about my disbelief, but I don't want to hurt my TBM (nuanced/liberal) wife. She doesn't think she will face a backlash from the ward if I come out as a non-believer (and heck, maybe our conservative southern ward will be just the place they'll be loving and accepting of part-member families
), but I can only see my coming out publicly resulting in pressure from the more fundamentalist types to shape me up or ship me out. (Granted, my wife is the type to push back to pressure, so maybe I should invite those kinds of responses. The thought still makes me uneasy, though.)Further complicating matters is a pre-existing relationship with our bishop, who we were friends with ten years ago in the singles ward (he's a young bishop). Coming out to him would add a personal level to something that I feel is completely an institutional issue. And if I do decide to be open about my disbelief, because of this personal level, it's probably necessary to have that chat with my actual bishop.
So I didn't take the opportunity to relay my desire to not be contacted for mundane BS like toilet cleaning or home teaching or anything having to do with Sunday services. Did I wimp out as my instincts tell me, or did I wisely choose to delay this conversation for a better person and moment? Validate me, NOM.
